


Stupid exes

by HannahHell, itried



Category: Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: BUT WE LOVE IT OKAY DON'T JUDGE US, Drunk Shenanigans, F/M, M/M, THIS FIC IS RLY STUPID, artemis is an evil goddess and it turns roy on, but I had to put "stupid" in the title bc they're all very stupid, bysexual zatanna makes a quick cameo, i don't even know man, it's not a part of my stupid birdflash because the fic's mainly about roy/artemis, roy has a very strict no feelings allowed policy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-13 02:01:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4503543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HannahHell/pseuds/HannahHell, https://archiveofourown.org/users/itried/pseuds/itried
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I bet they are like dating other people, and were just afraid to tell us the truth."</p><p>"Yeah I bet Dick’s with this other guy or girl or whatever, and is just like 'I don't want to hurt Roy's feelings' or some stupid shit. " He rolls his eyes, in complete annoyance.</p><p>"But you don't have feelings." She laughs, expecting him to get angrier and storm out the door, so imagine her surprise when he doesn’t, but instead agrees with her.</p><p>"I know." He doesn’t look offended, like, at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stupid exes

**Author's Note:**

> I got my friend Hannahell into Young Justice and she shipped longshot (Roy/Artemis) and my reaction was "hmm, okay, I can see that." The next day she came to me with this amazing plot and I was like "okay, this is nice, you should do it." But then she was like "I guess you could make it birdflash too" and I was NOT OKAY ANYMORE 
> 
> and we wrote the whole thing in like 5 hours and we were kind of drunk so the editing took forever, BUT IT'S FINALLY READY.
> 
> Also super especial thanks to my beautiful soulmate [ Pichitinha ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Pichitinha/pseuds/Pichitinha/works) because she doesn't ship Longshot or Birdflash but she read and betaed the fic and didn't murder us ;_; love so much, soulmate <3

Roy's phones buzzes with a new message the moment he arrives at the bar and he just knows it's from Dick and that Dick's ditching him. He considers ignoring it out of spite for almost an entire minute, but it doesn't last long, he needs to know what Dick's ditching him for and it better be good.

He orders a drink, and gets his phone out of his pocket. The text says _Sorry bro, I had to go on a mission with Batman._ Roy's disappointed. He expected more from Dick, he really did.

 _Batman's on space with the league._ He texts back. _And don't even try to deny it because Ollie just texted me about this using alien wifi because alien wifi is apparently a thing and you know Ollie can’t keep his mouth shut._

 _Oops._ Dick's reply's fast, which means that he's lying. He's not really busy, he's not on a mission or anything, the bastard. _Did I say WITH Batman? I meant WITHOUT him. Pfff sufixes are the worst, who needs them, am I right?_

 _I thought you were done fucking me when we broke up, but okay._ Roy angrily shoves the cellphone back into his pocket. He can't believe it. Maybe this is why people don't stay friends with their exes, because they promise to meet up and be your wingman and then ditch you with the most horrible excuse ever.

They were friends first, they stayed friends even when they started with the random make outs, and they chose friends over boyfriends when they realized that it just wasn't working out. They were never in love, or anything. Roy was in love once, with a supervillain, so he's not in a hurry to try it again. With Dick things were just fun, he didn't need to start worrying about feelings with Batman's protegé. But then Wally and Artemis started dating too and suddenly their thing wasn't so feelings-free anymore. Dick started calling him more often and the make outs turned more desperate and hungry and _sad._ The whole thing wasn't really as much fun anymore. Roy doesn't know when Dick's thing with Wally started, but to be fair, he thinks it was always there. He’s known both the kids for ages and their broness always did get a little of control. But then Wally had to go into fucking denial and start dating this girl he can't fucking stand and Roy doesn’t know how Dick must have felt. Well, to be completely honest, he doesn't want to know. He wasn't very keen on being Wally’s replacement, or being in the middle, stuck between both of his best friends in all this drama and having to pick sides, so he ended it. Dick took it like a champ. The break up make out session was whelming.

Then Wally and Artemis broke up for whatever reason and he waited like three months for Wally and Dick to get over their stupid feelings and just start going out, but they didn't. Well, he guesses that in the end, they did get over their feelings. Whatever. He really doesn't want to know.

He downs his shot and asks for another.

xxx

Artemis has her amazing genderbent Hawkeye cosplay on while she curses Wally and checks her phone again to see if there's any new message to explain why he's so freaking late. There's none. He's a speedster and still manages to be late for everything. Damn him.

Her phones lights up and there's a new text. _Be there in a sec, babe._

She doesn't even reply, just opens the door to find a very sorry looking redhead, wearing casual, normal clothes, and her anger shoots throught the roof.

"What the hell, Wally, don't tell me you forgot your cosplay at home! We're already late."

"Yeah, about that... I can't go with you."

"What? Why?" 

"Flash wants me patrolling with him and you know I can't say no to him."

"That's bullshit, Wally, and you know it. Barry and Iris are on a romantic getaway in Paris."

"What? They're not? How do you know?" Sometimes it's funny to watch Wally put his foot right into his mouth, but this time Artemis' so done with him she can’t find it even a little bit amusing.

"Your aunt told me that two weeks ago."

"Why's she's talking to you? They just told me, like, yesterday!"

"She tells me because I'm her favorite daughter in law without even being her in law because I dumped your sorry ass." Now Wally's face falls and this is amusing. "Face it, Wall-man, your family likes me more than they like you."

"Yeah, well, whatever. Did I say I was patrolling with uncle Barry? Because I'm not, I'm patrolling with Jay, who's also a Flash, and Jay's patrolling because uncle Barry's out of town so HA!" He finishes with a smile and he's so very proud of himself for recovering and making sense.

Artemis crosses her arms in front of her chest. 

"Yeah, kudos, that was almost believable, Wally, but Jay's not patrolling tonight. Joan wouldn't let him. She helped us sew our outfits and she knows this is a important night for us. It's the final stage in the couple's cosplay contest and you can't ditch me! You got me into this stupid comics and movies in the first place so go get your genderbent Black Widow outfit now before I shoot you with an arrow."

"I'm sorry, okay? I just... I just have to go, please don't hate me." He says it and then just runs away, the coward.  
Artemis' purple arrow hits the wall. She even painted all her green arrows purple for this stupid comic book convention, this isn't fair.

It's not only the ditching that makes her angry, but the lie. They've dated for two years, she deserves at least an explanation, and some crying, and some begging her not to kill him. She deserves more. 

She starts taking out the cosplay because she can't go to the convention alone. They had this whole act planned out about how Age of Ultron never happened and it was going to be amazing. And yeah, okay, they can still go to this other convention next week and perform, but that's not the point. The point is Wally lied to her and she’s pissed.

Maybe that's why people don't stay friend with their exes. She changes to a t-shirt and jeans and googles a bar. She needs a drink.

xxx

It doesn’t take a lot of time for her to find a bar. It’s not a nice bar, but she’s not looking for nice, she’s looking to take some shots and vent about how pissed she is to the bartender until she finds someone to punch.

But then the first person she sees when she gets there is Roy, and he’s looking more angry than usual - which is a huge thing, since he`s _always_ angry.- He doesn’t notice her , but she manages to hear him mumble something about “Fucking Dick, I can`t believe it" and she’s curious. You can’t blame her.

"Hey.” She sats beside him. 

"Oh, it’s you." He acknowledges her with a shrug, but doesn’t even turn to face her, too busy staring down at his own drink.

"So... What are you so angry about?" She could try some small talk first and dance around the topic before asking what she really wants to know, but what’s the point? He’s obviously not in the mood for it and neither is she. She’s mad, and curious and wanting a distraction, and a nice distraction would be hearing about another person’s tragedy, especially if this person is Roy - I’m gonna make your life hell trying to prove you’re the mole, but plot twist, I’m the mole, and oops I never apologized for that - Harper. That would cheer her up. 

"Dick happened" He turns and looks at her "What are you doing here? You aren’t even old enough to drink in this place"

"I just turned eighteen. And I’m here because Wally is stupid." She answers and, apparently, that’s the only explanation Roy ever needs because he orders a drink for her, with a understanding nod.

"So you were also ditched by your ex?" He laughs. "I'm feeling better already"

She groans because _noooooo,_ she was the one who was supposed to feel better because he’s been ditched by his ex and not the opposite. 

"Oh, shut up." 

"What happened between you and Wally?" But Roy doesn’t. Obviously

"We were going to a comic convention." She admits. Wally says she’s a closeted nerd, but right now she’s too pissed off to care about what Roy’s going to think about her. "We’ve been planning it for ages, but today, he just showed up and went all _Sorry babe, but I can’t go because of some stupid lie._ ” She mocks his voice and takes her whole drink in one sip.

"Well, if it makes you feel better... Dick kinda did the same thing to me." Roy raises his hand to ask for two more drinks. "We were supposed to meet here and then go to a nightclub, because I needed him to flash his money at people and be the best wingman ever, but no. He just texted me and straight up lied some stupid lie. He used to be better at this, but he didn’t even try this time. I deserved a better lie.” 

"I know, right?" Artemis looks at him.

"I'm so angry now." The both say it at the same time, and they even toast before downing another shot.

"I bet they are like dating other people, and were just afraid to tell us the truth, like, oh, sorry, Artemis I'm seeing this other girl so I can't go with you win this contest with our amazing couple cosplay.”

Roy takes the glass away from her hand before she could break it and feels oddly proud of her.

"Yeah I bet Dick’s with this other guy or girl or whatever, and is just like 'I don't want to hurt Roy's feelings' or some stupid shit. " He rolls his eyes, in complete annoyance.

"But you don't have feelings." She laughs, expecting him to get angrier and storm out the door, so imagine her surprise when he doesn’t, but instead agrees with her.

"I know." He doesn’t look offended, like, at all.

She tries to remember when was the last time they’ve talked without being on each other’s throat, but no memory comes to mind. They went out together on a lot of double dates when they were dating Dick and Wally because their boyfriends were best friends, but she avoided talking to him everytime because it had a 150% chance of it turning into a physical fight. But what’s happening now, the drinking and talking and being civil, this is new. It’s weird, but it’s kind of nice too, so she goes for it.

"Do you know what we shoud do?" Artemis turns around to face him and share the evil idea she’s just thought of. Deep down she knows it’s a bad idea, but she doesn’t care, - she’s good at not caring about stuff, - and her eyes catch on fire. 

Roy is curious, and maybe a little bit turned on, but it’s not like he’s going to act on it because, come on, this is _Artemis,_ so he just looks at her and waits for further explanation.

"We should teach them a lesson. Let’s find them and crash their date."

Roy’s surprised, pleasantly surprised. He stares at her for a moment to make sure this is actually happening before cracking what could be a smile. "I like the way you think. Please, tell me more."

"Okay, so" She suddenly stops and realizes her plan wasn't that well thought.

"We could go our separate ways to find them and ruin their dates, but in a fun way, you see. We could tell their dates all the dirt we have on them, so they’ll learn to never ditch us again." Roy tries to help because he really liked the plan.

"Perfect." Her smile gets bigger.

"But there’s only one problem... How are we going to find them? We don’t know where they’re off to." Roy suddenly realizes that this little detail ruins _everything._

"Oh, that’s easy. My girl Zatanna can help us with that, come on!" She takes her wallet out of her pocket to pay for the drinks and Roy does the same. They’re out of the door the next second.

Roy assures her that he can drive his motorcycle because he isn’t drunk yet, because it takes a lot more to get him drunk and she agrees. She’s seen him drink a lot, but never really drunk so that makes sense. Maybe _she’s_ drunk. 

Convincing Zatanna takes some time, but not too much time. At first, she’s like "No, guys, I can't let you ruin your friends' dates just because you are jealous." But then she realizes Artemis and Roy aren’t really jealous, they’re offended and angry and kind of drunk. Also, there’s some undeniable sexual tension between them, judging by how fast Artemis lets him go as soon as they arrive at the Mountain in his motorcycle, and who’s she to stand on the way of sexual tension? She mentally highfives Artemis and agrees to help them. 

Plus, she’s been dying to get revenge on Dick and Wally for the prank they’ve played on her last week. 

"Okay, I will start with Kid Flash and then do the same with Robin, so there should appear two red dots on the map." She instructs, before making her spell.

The Kid Flash dot appears in Gotham City.

Zatanna does the locating spell again, but there’s still only one dot in the world map.

"So... Are you doing this right?" Roy’s suddenly right behing her, pratically breathing on her neck because apparently that’s a thing he does. To everyone. It feels like a rite of passage, if you don’t have Roy yell at you and then breath down on your neck in a threatening way, you’re not really part of Young Justice. 

"Yeah, what is wrong?" Artemis’ also really, really close to her and it’s very hard to deal with two extremely hot people in her personal space.

"I think..." Zatanna walks to the other side of the room and the distance from them helps her think rational thoughts again. "They are both in the same place? Maybe?"

"What?" Artemis and Roy say at the same time, and then they look at the red dot again, ten times more offended than before.

"They’ve ditched us for what? Some dorky playdate? Are they playing videogames or something?" Roy’s a whole new level of mad.

"Wait, let’s check where they are. Can you zoom in, Zee?”

Zatanna agrees with a nod and they’re all surprised at what they find out.

“It’s a really fancy restaurant." Roy frowns. "It’s one of these place you take someone on a date and..." He stops and looks at Artemis. She stares back at him for a long time and then their mouths form an ‘O’, at the same time. Zatanna thinks it’s cute. 

"Oh, no, they didn’t." Artemis’ hands instanly goes to grab one of her arrows so she can shoot something, just to realize they’re not there. She’s in civies. 

“Let’s go kick their lying asses!” Roy takes her hand, but before he can get to his motorcycle, Zatanna makes it disappear with a spell. 

“I parked it somewhere else cause I think you should use the zeta tubes instead.” She simply states.

Roy is - surprise, surprise, - angry, but he eventually agrees and then they’re off. Hand in hand.

Zatanna stares at the now empty zeta tubes for a long time after they’ve left because _what._

xxx

"Oh my god, they're really on a date, I can't believe it." Roy peers through the window, and takes Artemis with him.

"Neither can I. And it took them so long, what the fuck?"

"Yes, they're so strong minded, stubborn jerks, I thought it would never happen and... Wait, are you okay with this?" Roy raises an eyebrow at her, suspicious. "I mean it's been only three months since you and Wally broke up."

"Correction, it's been three months since I broke up with Wally, and I kind of already knew? I mean, this was why I broke up with him in the first place. Wally's the king of being in denial so I think I realized he had feelings for Dick before he did? And then, I just knew he would never break up with me for the boy wonder because he wouldn't want to hurt my feelings, so I did it. I broke up with him. I had to. He's such a loser, he'd never make a move and I do want him to be happy because I kind of like him and care for him. Also, I realized that liking and loving are two different things and we kind of got caught up on this teenager romance thing, so it’s not really... Wait, why am I telling you this?"

"I don't know." Roy shrugs, forgetting about the fact that he was the one who asked her. "I really don't care about any of that."

"I don't care either, well, okay, maybe I do, I want Wally to be happy and I want Dick to be happy because he's my friend too, but I'm still really mad they've lied to us about it. Did they think we couldn't handle it?"

"Yes, and that’s bullshit! How could they think so little of us? And, I mean, I’m already pretty mad, but now I'm madder because look at them!" He points to the table in the back where both the boys are sitted. "This is the most awkward date I've ever seen! I know Dick is smoother than this!"

"Right? I can't believe I even went out with Wally, seeing him like this. He's always so flirty and confident and now he can't even look his date in the eye? I'm disappointed."

"Maybe we could help them?" Roy regrets it right after he says it because Artemis makes a face at him. "Not that I care or anything, because I don't. But can you imagine if their date turns out to be a failure? I'll have to listen to Dick whine and complain about it and you'll have to deal with Wally sulking. I have this policy of no feelings allowed, so..."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. But you know… we can help them, after we, like, humiliate them or something? Come on, they're little shits who lied to us so they had it coming. Let's go show them how a real date works."

Roy feels his chest warm up and maybe it's because he's a bit drunk, maybe it's because he's horny and Dick was supposed to find him a date, but didn't, or maybe it's because he never knew Artemis could be so evil and he's fucking loving it.

"After you, lady."

xxx

Wally's hands touches Dick's when he goes for the saltshaker and he flinches away like it burned him. Then he regrets the sudden movement and goes for the brunet's hand again because they're on a date, they're supposed to hold hands and touch and not freak the hell out. But what if he does something wrong and fucks this up? This isn't just one more date. This is Dick and Dick's his best friend, he can't lose him, so he's being extra careful and the date's going extra horrible. 

Then it becomes worse. Because Artemis and Roy enter the room, hand in hand.

"What's happening?" Dick blinks at them.

"Oh, hey, guys, we didn't know you were here! What a coincidence!" Roy smiles and it's an evil smile. Both Dick and Wally know Roy's evil smile well.

"What are you doing here?" Wally can feel his legs starting to itch and he's ready to take Dick and run him out of there bridal style if needed.

"Well, since someone ditched me with a very stupid excuse, I went out for a drink and found out someone else ditched Roy with a very stupid excuse too, so we kinda bonded."

"You bonded?" Wally can only repeat what they're saying because what. the. hell.

"Yup. After that we went out and went superheroing, you know. To let out some steam. But then she got hungry, and here we are." Roy shrugs and the lies come easily. He almost wants to blow his cover and say something like _See, guys, that’s how you lie to people!_

"Oh, okay." Dick says, but his eyebrows are frown in disbelief. "But just to make one thing clear... You two aren’t on a date, right?" He's looking to their interwhined fingers.

"No, we definitely are on a date." Artemis says and Wally spits out his drink.

"What? But that makes no sense??????" The redhead recovers quickly. "Since when is this going on? You can't be dating, you two hate each other, and you really can't be dating because you never told us anything?"

"Well, you never told us about this either." Roy signs to the both of them and that shuts them up. "You chose to be jerks and lie to us, instead, so... shut the fuck up and let us enjoy our date."

"Dude!" Wally watches them walk away to a table and starts freaking out. "What are they... Are they... Like... Really..."

"Maybe they're from like an alternative universe in which Batman's uniform's pink and Flash's always on time and nothing ever makes any sense?!" Dick makes a face and Wally looks relieved that he's not the only one who thinks this is insane.

"Maybe some supervillains knocked us out and we're like in a coma and dreaming all of this? Or maybe they're being mind controlled!"

"Maybe they, like, trapped us inside our own minds and are making us live throught this nightmare?" Dick watches Artemis laugh and touch Roy's arm in a flirting manner and feels sick.

"Maybe they're both the mole? And their plan is to destroy our team from inside and it's working because look at me! If I have to watch them be all lovesick to each other, I'm gonna die!" Wally sighs, dramatically, but then realizes something. "But, ahm, just so you know, they're freaking me out, but I'm not jealous of Artemis or anything, I mean... I don't want her back, I want you and that's why I'm here with you on this date, okay? I know this whole thing sucks, and I'm really nervous, I don't think I've ever been this nervous on a date before, but you’re my best friend, dude. I’m scared to death of fucking this up."

Dick feels his cheeks blushing. "I... I know exactly how you feel, Walls. And I hope you know I'm not jealous of Roy, either. I don't like him this way. I like you." He extends his hand out to touch wally's and squeezes it. They smile at each other and suddenly it's not awkward anymore." And I like you because you're my best friend. I don't want you to be nervous or careful or guilty around me, I want you to be yourself, I want you to eat everything in the menu and then expand on my alternate universe dopplegangers theory because I'm intrigued. Do you think they used portals? And if they did, then what's the tech involved?"

"Babe." Wally thought he couldn't grow to love Dick more, but he was wrong. "You rock my world."

xxx

"Are they looking at us? They should be looking at us, I've been grinding my leg against yours for the last thirty minutes!" Artemis rages, because she has her back turned to them and she can't see what's happening in the other table. 

"No, they're not. they're looking at each other's eyes like the lovesick puppies they are. It makes me wanna throw up." Roy rolls their eyes. 

"We need to change it, we need to draw their attention to us. We need to shove it in their faces that we are a way better couple than they are, goddammit!"

"Yeah, but it's kind of hard to do it here, there are a few tables separating us." 

"Then let's just go somewhere else." Artemis' face lights up with a new idea. "Like a nightclub. They won't stand a chance against us in a nightclub."

"Yes, oh my god, you're a evil genius, let's do it!" He takes a few dollars out of his wallet and takes her by the hand, to where Dick and Wally are sitting. "Get up, losers, we're going nightclubbing."

"What?" Dick says, and Roy's pushing his chair away from the table.

"Yes, you both owe us that much, so get off your asses and just come." Artemis gestures for them to leave.

Dick and Wally exchange a glance. They've just started to enjoy this date, and going out with their clearly drunk out of their minds exes is not on their priorities list. But at the same time, they're smart and know not to pick battles they cannot win.

xxx

The nightclub is loud, crowded, and flashy. In other words, it’s perfect. The drinks are a bit expensive, but Roy and Artemis order them using Dick’s credit card, so it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that the drinks taste good, the music’s good and they feel good.

Both of them feel fantastic because this is it. This is their chance of showing Dick and Wally what a real, - but not really, - date looks like, and they’re going to feel so bad, it’s going to be amazing.

“Come on, it’s going to be so fun!” They drag their exes to the dance floor and Roy makes room for them by elbowing people until they go away.

It starts with a silly dance, a casual ‘oh, look at how much fun we’re having’ dance, with silly twirls and fake tripping and laughing way too hard because they’re actually having fun, _what the hell._ But then the fifith song ends and the new song turns sexy, so they remember why they’re there.

Artemis takes Roy’s hands to her hips and they start moving together, bodies pressed against each other. The whole thing is so sexy Wally and Dick half expect them to start making out right there because this isn’t dancing, this is some sort of prelude to sex. 

Roy turns Artemis around and suddenly they’re facing each other. His hands are now on her tight, pulling her leg up and hers are on his waist, bodies moving to the beat of whatever song’s playing and she can feel his breath warm her face so maybe that’s why she’s blushing, that’s the only explanation. 

Considering all the shots they took at that first bar and the drinks they ordered on the nightclub, they’re drunk and it gets harder to think, it gets harder to remember what they’re doing it for and why they’re not kissing right now. 

It’s hard to remember they hate each other.

The nineth song slows down, but they don’t and suddenly they’re bumping on the people around them. That makes them stop for a moment.

"I think we scared them" He puts a hand on her shoulder and whispers in her ear, feeling her entire body shiver from beneath his touch.

"What do you mean?" She looks around, but doesn’t see anything worth of her attention..

"Dick and Wally." Roy indicates with his head the place where the boys had been and are now filled with strangers. "They are gone."

"What?” Artemis gets angry again because _that’s_ why they were doing this whole act, they were dancing together and pretendind to be having the most amazing date in the world just for them to see. There’s no point in continuing if they’re not around and she can’t believe Dick and Wally ditched them. Again.

"Let's go find those bastards" She grabs his hand and pulls him aroud the club, both looking for familiar faces among the sea of people. 

"I bet. " Roy smirks. “I bet they just ran away, because they felt bad our date was going way better than theirs."

"Our fake date." She corrects him. “But, yeah, whatever, our fake date was better than theirs, and they chickened out." She laughs, but suddenly Roy stops and she hits his back. “Hey, what was that for?”

"Look." Instead of explaining, he grabs her shoulders and turns her around so she’s seeing what he’s seeing. "I think they just found a way to make their date better than ours"

And what they’re seeing is Dick and Wally making the hell out against the wall.

"No! That's not fair! " Artemis’ jaw falls to the floor and she whines. “This is cheating, so we won, they lost, and that’s final!”

"But they are kind of having more fun then we are, so..."

"Kissing and making out don’t really count. You know our date was way much better than theirs, we didn’t need make outs to have a good time, right? We’re having fun now too, right?" She raises her hand, waiting for a high-five.

"Right." Roy highfives her.

And then they stare at each other in a complete loss for words because what’s left to say. Their fake date’s done, they don’t have an audience anymore, so they don’t know where to go from there.

“Well, maybe we’re not having fun right this instant…” Roy starts, eyes on the floor. “But.” He quickly adds. “But I did have fun before, like, a lot of fun, so yeah.”

“Yeah, me too. My day started poorly, but then it ended up being...Really nice.” She smiles, realizing that there’s no need for it to end now. “Hey, do you still need a wingman?”

“I guess.” Roy’s confused for a moment, not sure of what she means. 

"I can be your wingman." She says, her face lighting up and it’s so _pretty_ Roy has no choice but to agree to it. “Let's get some more drinks first, but then off to the hunt!”

"Yeah, okay. " He follows her, away from Wally and Dick. 

Then, they’re back in a bar, drinking together. just like it all started. The deja vu is strong, but then Artemis is touching his hand to get his attention. 

"Oh, oh, look!" Artemis's eyes are on a pretty girl on the dancefloor."I found one! She's alone, and she’s hot. Over there! What do you think?” She points to the girl.

"Yeah.” Roy checks the girl out in a brief second, but then his eyes turn back to a oblivious Artemis. “She is kinda hot." 

"Kinda? Are you kidding me! Just look at her, come on! I bet you will like her." 

"Well, fuck." He’s still staring at Artemis when the realization hits him. “I kinda do.” He downs his shot and asks for another one.

"Hey." She turns to look at him when he doesn’t say aything back. "Is something wrong?"

"What? No!” He quickly answers, but there is something wrong. Everything is wrong.

"Then get your shit together and go talk to her!"

"Well, I..." He grows desperate. He’s searching for a excuse, a lie, anything, but nothing is coming to mind. “Maybe I should go home and sleep so I can train tomorrow with Ollie.”

He feels stupid the moment he says it because 1. Ollie’s in space with the league, 2. he's not a sidekick anymore, he trains alone, why the fuck would he train with Ollie, Ollie’s an ass, 3. what the fuck.

What’s happening to him, he’s such a better liar than this, but Artemis’ looking right at him and he just can’t. Mind’s a blank.

“What did you say?” she asks and thank god for the loud music. 

“Nothing, it’s just…” He freezes when she comes closer. Quick, he needs to think of a better lie, he needs to think of something, anything, now. “It’s been a while since I’ve been with a… You know, a girl.” He says and thinks about hitting his head on the table at least five times.

Was this how Dick and Wally felt when they lied to them before?

“Oh, okay. Maybe I can find you a nice boy, then.” Artemis shrugs and looks over to the dancefloor, but then an idea hits her. “Or maybe you just need some pratice.”

The bartender brings another two shots and Roy drinks both at the same time because _what._

“Then next two are mine.” She gestures for two more. “But you know, we could, like, pratice kissing? So you feel more confident to go talk to that girl.”

This idea is a really bad idea. He loves bad ideas.

“And it’s not like it’s the real stuff. Just a training kiss, no feelings attached.” The drinks arrive and now it’s her time to drink them up.

“Have you met me?” He signs. “Feelings are not my thing.”

“Yeah, feelings just complicate everything. It’s such a great thing that we hate each other, right?” She says and moves closer. Roy’s hands go to her hips and pulls her closer, but it’s still not close enough.

They stare at each other for a long time, breathing each other in and listening to their hearts beat so loudly it overcomes the music. Then Artemis blinks: “Fuck.”

“What?” Roy feels himself starting to panic because maybe she changed her mind, maybe she’ll refuse and walk away and they’ll go back to never talking/seeing each other and…

“I think I have feelings.” She admits, embarrassed.

“Yeah, me too.” The confession comes out easier than he thought possible, but he doesn’t pay much attention to it and just focus on how relieved he is that she’s not moving away.

"So maybe you could..." Artemis leans over him, and touches his lips with her finger. "Smile?" 

"Why?" He’s confused, but just lets her play with his face. 

"You never smile, so this way I can pretend I'm not about to kiss _you,_ and that I don’t have feelings for you. I mean, that’s the only way to explain this to my sober self.”

Roy considers it for a long moment.

“Yeah, that’s a good point.” He lets her fingers draw a smile on his face, even though it feels horrible. "How do I look?"

"Horrible. But you don’t look like yourself either, so I can work with that.” She says and then they’re kissing. It’s the farthest thing from a practice kiss, it doesn’t even start as one. It starts hungry and it grows even more hungry and desperate and it leaves them dizzy and breathless so they have to stop for a minute. 

She looks at his eyes for a moment, then it falls back down to his mouth and suddenly they’re kissing again. But this time they add hands, licking, bitting, hair pulling and _moaning._ The need for air turns into a need for each other and the touching never seems to be enough for them, so they keep going. The kiss feels like it could last forever, but then it doesn’t.

"Come on, guys. Get a room!" Wally’s voice breaks them apart and they turn to see their exes staring at them

"Yeah, you are making everyone in the bar unconfortable." Dick shakes his head.

"You are just mad because we had the best date and the best make out." Artemis shrugs, still feeling dizzy from the alcohol and the kiss.

"Ooh." Both Wally and Dick look at each other. “Now everything makes sense.”

"Too bad we didn’t know we were competing. Next time we’ll be ready, though” Dick smiles.

"So... Double date next friday?" Wally appears to be trying his hardest not to laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever" Roy rolls his eyes.

"And next time we’re definitely winning, you two better bring your A game.” Dick grabs Wally’s hand and turns to leave.

"You have no chance against us!" Roy yells at their backs and then he turns to high-five Artemis again, but they miss and pretend it never happened. "So, uh, this is apparently… Happening again, right?" 

"Of course it is! We need to destroy them!” Artemis doesn’t even hesitate. “I wanna crush them again and I don’t care about anything else!”

“Yeah, me neither.” Roy smiles. He likes the way she thinks. Well, actually, he kind of likes _her._

She looks at him. He looks at her. They look at each other for a long time. Then they start making the hell out again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys like it, I'm notagoodplace4gods on tumblr


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